Its been exactly one month since my last posting. Ramblings of my travels abroad, with hints of displeasure and insomnia filled my life moments, yet all the while the slate remains blank and ready for the kill. Still, nothing leaves the pencil like it used to. I’ve been disappointed, anxious, and even scarred, really, from what’s happened to me. You see, I experienced jet lag with some major consequences. 15 hours of time traveling, this silly psyche of mine had to endure. And all the while, I was thinking “Yeah, I’m cool. I’m awesome. I can do this. I can get by. Nothing can stop me. I even missed an earthquake by a mere 12 hours!” No, no, if you must know, if you dare to care, I had gotten into a car accident on the 25th of March, a mere 2 days after my arrival home.
How to describe it? Imagine shutting off the lights. Complete blackout. Blink of an eye. Not even a blink. Just shut down. Next thing you know, you turn on the TV, and you see a well coordinated scene, first perspective, driver veering the steering wheel to avoid the fire hydrant after running through some shrubbery on the right side of the vehicle. Air bags engage after slamming on the breaks and somehow maneuvering back onto the main road. People were honking behind you. The radio is blasting some horrible music -electronica will never sound the same again. Peacoats will have a foreign feel to them, like a skin you want to peel off, even though you know you belong in them. And scarves scattered with shattered glass make you wonder if you were dreaming in diamonds the whole time. No, it happened. I still can’t remember what I hit on the left side -the DRIVER’S side- to cause the body damage and broken glass. I’m not sure if I want to know the truth; you can’t unlearn it once its placed in that weird place called memory.
I’ve been having some nightmares too. Good psychological coping/escapism when I think I’m safe from myself. What a joke. I know, its horrible. And people have been telling me I should get behind the wheel again -but I’m honestly afraid now. I want to drive in the car I desire, something that will sync up to me, match my personality, flow with the contingency of my lifestyle. But since I cannot afford it out of pocket, I’m going to simply say it’s not time for me to drive right now. The bills are high and the stakes even higher.
<insert melancholy sigh that no one really likes and is done purely for my benefit>
Well, I’m alive. In one piece. With some sore stuff. A roughed-up, jaded heart. Repatching with duct tape, until I can find some decent superglue and a one-way ticket to Tokyo or Kobe. You know, for some the okonomiyaki my host mother for me made 10 years ago.
I miss those bike rides through the grocery alleys. I think I’ll shoot for that life, after this go-around.
Art to be inspired by bittersweet yet much needed musings. And heat from a space heater!
Click on full size for details.
Also, just as an update: the illustration I submitted didn’t get placed for SakuraCon 2011 Mascot. So, without further adieu, here is the drawing I did. Ta-da~
There really aren’t words for how bloody terrifying and surreal that had to be. I think I’d still be a gibbering mess.
On a completely different note, your sub for SakuraCon is adorable.
that was heartbreaking, but beautiful.
I’m sorry to hear about your accident. How was the Philippines? Welcome back from there, and from there. Your guardian angel took care of you…:)